2018 and what it means to me

I think the new year is hard for me because to me every sunrise is a new year, a time to start afresh, to look back on memories some good and some not so.

My brain is constantly trying to wrap itself around this concept of time, how long our lives are, how every moment defines us, how meaningless it all is and why that's perfect.

I guess it is because to me when nothing matters, nothing is real, no rules no meanings or restrictions we can make something beautiful.nothing can be everything, you can be or do anything because there are no rules to say you must have achieved this by this year or at this time you should be this, life just happens we create, we destroy and we live. counting the seconds or without time at all. I am breathing and whether or not I measure that does not affect every small heart palpitation, hand touch, thought bubble, I have, because with or with our or constructs of perception life still happens.

So what is a new year to me? It is neither a beginning or end, I suppose most of the time it is a reminder that in life beginnings and ends are not so simple to define. We are just a series of cinematic moments we can go forever in memories or we can be forgotten but we happened and in a way that will never be erased. The thing we start will continue if not by our selfs then by others. time will keep marching on, with or without us.

I have a lot I want to do this year and a lot I don't but I think it is easier to take that as it comes. Please don't get me wrong this is not a sad post and new years eve is not a painful time for me. this is just my thought as I think them spilling out on to my keyboard, unedited, unapologetic and unfiltered to ease the process of reading this, it is open to your interpretation or to your dismissal.

happy 2018whateverr that means to you. I hope to see you all soon.