sugar lemons: bitter sweet things i love when i am sad

Good morning! Well not for me it's not but hey ho. see I suffer from what I like to call depressive dips, I am not full on let's give up on life every day but some Tuesday night, random hours of a Friday night out or weekends you know I could do with just not existing. Sounds magical, doesn't it. Anyway i have fall in to the pit over the last two days I don't feel this will be a long stay in my own personal hell more of like a mini break so I thought lets talk about some cheer up things before I end up in the dark, staring off in to the obis and listening to the smiths again. So without further ado, these are things, the little hints of sweetness that pick me up when everything just tastes a bit sour.

Music maestro:

1. Dope lemon - Marniade

this song is just me all over. the video has animation incorporate which is my favourite thing ever, I just love cartoons don't judge. plus the video has a real moonrise kingdom sort of vibe, and I love films that that with weird shorts and colours and general weirdness, films like the grand Budapest hotel or moonrise kingdom just have that great whimsical vibe and I love them deeply for that. this song is much the same it's not super upbeat often talking about death or fire or attacks but it that sort of romanised hippy way that makes it feel less weird.

I also really relate to the girl in the song, she sounds like she has a couple issues and shes worried about them in her potential relationship, which is why she wants to go steady. did I write this song? is it me? scientist still can't tell. I love the non-perfectionisms of the characters and the absolute bop of the beat. its one of those songs I often listen to before or in bed during my bouts insomnia it just really chills me out. I love it I really do, I don't know how else to say that.


2. Paris in the rain- lauv

(i do not own this picture I wish I did tho look at that a+ photography there)

Again another chilled love song this one is often listening to in the night time as well when I am removing makeup. I am not sure if this is just me but removing makeup stress me so much. I can see how tired I really am how sunken my face is all the little scars and bumps. I don't hate these things if just makes me sad thinking this is my face and I am not confined enough to go out with that take it or leave it attitude.

the song is so slow simple. It really helps me to unwind and it reminds me of my favourite things in the world. number one France, I would love to learn French again I think it is beautiful, France is also the one place outside of the UK I would live. I like the idea of Scandinavia but I couldn't see my self there for long but France, now that would be a dream.

My second point on why I love it is that it reminds me of rain, for obvious reasons. Nothing is more calming to me than hearing rain at night, seeing it fall under street lamps in the dark, smelling it stewing in the trees, the soil and in the freshly cut grass. it is so comforting and constant and I adore it.


the talkies:

1. Penelope

(still sadly not one of mine)

I am huge film lover but oddly enough I find it hard to watch films or anything really in these dips, however a couple of days ago I did rewatch a film that I loved years ago but for whatever reason forgot about it and that was the 2006 film, Penelope. It's about a girl with a pig face... I can tell I have lost some of you already. In order to break her curse, she needs to be loved by someone of her own kind, a blue blood. It has got quirky sets, costumes and adorable scenes with Penelope (played by Christina Ricci) and her potential curse breaker Max (James Mcavoy). It's weird, it's cute. it is going in my amazon basket became I want to watch it again.

hushaby mountain:

1. sleep easy tea.

when I am like this am a little more reckless, my diet is abandoned, my caffeine intake is through the roof, spending money left in my wallet is harder to find than that shiny mew two card back in the days of the Pokemon card hype. the one stable thing that makes me feel I have my life, somewhat what together is my drinking of sleep easy herbal tea. I have mine with honey not sugar (so fancy) the tea its self is full of cinnamon, citrus and all these lovely mostly healthy other things. This helps me to knock my self out. It just makes me feel better knowing I am at least trying to look after my self in some way.

2. eye masks and pjs

My bed just makes me feel safe I won't lie about that, it's conforming to be in your lovely silky pyjamas a little velvet eye mask poking out the pocket. admits you see of pillows watching the moon through your window, or watching your favourite Studio Ghibli in the low light of your fairy lights. I don't know how people don't care about pyjamas why do you not want to be cosy, its almost like you don't have a burning urge to rest away your life ling in the dark instead of going out- and never mind I think I just got it. In all seriousness pyjamas me happy. If someone brought me pyjamas and slippers and a film for us to watch and would marry them, no joke.

glow through the gloom:

1. low lighting

linking back to my last point about night time and the darkness, low lighting is the best thing in this universe, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. I love the dark, I have never ever been afraid of the dark, I have been afraid of everything else know to man other than being in darkness. It is just nice to me, to be in full darkness. Now darkness with the curtains open is better but darkness with the curtains half open and 3 low light lamps on? that is the god tear, we have reached perfection, you cant top it there is no physical way you can show me something more aesthetically pleasing than that.

That's all I have for now I may do more later, for now, enjoy your self if you can and hang in there

Star Wars The debate wars: Jedi vs Sith ft.Gingersnaps

here it is the colab no one asked for over the one topic in the universe we do not agree on ladies and gentlemen, porges and girls I give you debate wars:  Jedi vs Sith

My answers

Why did you choose your side?

I would like to first of all to clarify that if I was in fact in the star wars universe I would not like the force at all it too much pressure I would most likely be a smuggler, however, people when talking about star wars focus on the force element of it and why would they superpowers are cool. if you would have asked me as a kid to choice a force side i probably would have chosen the light side. it was not until my early teens when i was asked this again i began to really think over a couple of things. if we look at the Jedi as a normal religious institution i can see a lot of faults. compared to religions such as Christianity there are best highlighted. in olden times manly people chose to become monks or nuns in order to serve god, Jedi exhibit the same behavior being celibate and liking mainly with in the confined of the jedi temple however there is not really mentioned in the films at lest of being extradited from the religion where as if you had no fully finished your training in a nunary your could ask to be allowed out. anakin has no choice but to stay. I also don't like how they control everyone's emotions hate i understand but love really. do you known how long people have crusaded in order for there love to be allowed and embraced by the church, and not just Christianity in no way is this post having a go at them i just pointing out the past and in some cases present flaws in all institutionalized religious groups? how many people are still fighting. I think it would be hypnotically if me some on who is involved in campaign for this stuff to support a cult that once you are in you can never allow your self to love, marry or just to express your self and your feelings. so sith all the way If it means i am allowed to feel.

Who has the best weapons?

the sith are involved in a many wars and i have to admit there tactics can be unfair to put it lightly but so have most powerful armies through out history eg the vikings or the Huns. because of this the sith have some  very complex weapons, the star killer, the death star, even there light saber where the first be be seen in the films that had customization. you have to admire the weaponry to an extent considering other races, like the ewakos during the same time period are using stick and stones.

Who is the most powerful?

this is a tricky one some may argue the jedi because there the good guys and they do eventually win. Every one sees this as the classic story of love defeating hate and all that but the Jedi are not about love, most of the time they are not even about hope, its about honor, control and to be fair, peaces, although i sport the peace aspect its not an efficient way to rule. gaining power and then going back to the same teachings that caused a sith uprising. The sith are powerful in there attacks but unforanly there plans eg the death star idea was not sustainable and had flaws. I feel they are both equal in power but the strategies they use can some times allow them to take the lead in the fighting briefly.


Who has the better aesthetic?

sith hands down, it so dramatic so pleasing to look at. Some may say it is too regiment with the clones, but the clones there original for the Jedi so its not like those outfits belong to the dark sides. We are the dramatic black and red low lighting kind of people its cool its intimating and i like it. plus who does bot look good in black.

Who has the best ships?

okay for this one i will admit i would freaking love and x wing they look so cool and they a wear both nimble enough and powerful enough to take down a ship the size of a moon


Whose memes are better?

even the light side memes are often based around the chararetes who alitmatky turn to our side so i find ours better what can i say i have a dark sense of humour. 

would you ever turn to the light side?

only if didn't have the force I wouldn't mind being a rebel solider because they are just there for peace and not pushing a side gender, but if i was force sensitive it is more likely I would have no control and there for i just could not hack being a jedi.


Gingersnaps answers


Why did you choose your side?

Initially, I chose my side based on the fact that most of my favourite characters are on the Light Side. Then, as I became more invested in the franchise, I made the choice to stay with it because I not only believe it is the best fit for me, but also that it is the right cause. I support the way my side values knowledge, protecting others and striving for peace.

Who has the best weapons?

I think at face value, the Sith probably have the better weapons. A lot of the weapons cross over the two sides - like blasters and lightsabers - so it isn't a clear-cut decision, but the introduction of weapons like the electrostaff, which can resist most other weapons, including lightsabers, suggests the Sith have the upper hand when it comes to weaponry. If you were listening to sales pitches, the pitches for the Sith weapons would probably be more convincing. That being said, the ability of the Jedi to master the force and to use the weapons they have to the best possible effect means that they aren't that far behind the Sith, at least in my view.

Who is the most powerful?

I think the Jedi are more powerful in several ways. The Jedi focus on developing and gaining knowledge, putting wisdom at the heart of what they do. Many would say knowledge is, power, not least because knowing as much as, if not more, than your opponent is an advantage in conflict. It also gives the Jedi power because it provides confidence and feeling assured when facing an opponent is another advantage. It could also be suggested that the Jedi are more powerful than the Sith because of the issues the Sith face internally. The Sith have, many times, nearly reached their end-goals - they have created empires which later fall, they have almost eradicated the Jedi. They are, however, yet to succeed because they sabotage themselves. The Sith - focussed on power and who is and is not worthy of it - allow rebellion and unrest to develop and break out in their own community. The Sith could be the more powerful but they take their chance at ultimate authority away from themselves repeatedly and this makes them weaker. The Jedi are, as such, in my opinion, by default and their own merit, more powerful than the Sith.

Who has the better aesthetic?

Neither have my ideal aesthetic - the Jedi don't have a broad enough colour palette for my taste and the Dark Side are so set in their black and red colour scheme that even the occasional dangerous bridge and lava river fit into it. I think I prefer the Jedi aesthetic because it has slightly more versatility and would work well across several aspects of life (in outfits, in photos, in interiors) but I think both could be improved.

Who has the best ships?

The Light Side has the Millennium Falcon, which is one of the most iconic and important ships in the Star Wars universe. The Light Side also had the Tantive VI, one of the first ships to appear in the Star Wars franchise and is used by Princess Leia, and it's status as one of the first ships boosts the status of the Light Side's fleet. The Dark Side have a number of very good ships but none of them are the Millennium Falcon. I think the Light Side has the best ships.

Whose memes are better?

The 'Come To The Dark Side, We Have Cookies' meme has become somewhat iconic and the use of pop culutre references in the Sith memes - such as an adaptation of Salt Bae, which is one of my all time favourites - is very effective. I think some of the Jedi memes are fantastic, namely the 'Anakin, Stop Panakin' meme, which actually made me laugh out loud (the sign of a good meme). However, I think the better memos are those of the Sith because the memes are, overall, stronger and I'd happily welcome them to any of my group chats.

Would you ever turn to the Dark Side?

No. Or at least, I couldn't imagine it. The Jedi Order isn't perfect but it provides something hopeful to believe in and while its members sometimes struggle with their morality, they are at least encouraged to do good. I don't think that good and bad or Light Side and Dark Side are quite as clear cut as they seem in the early movies - in Star Wars and real life - but I think that to at least try to promote peace, protect the freedom of others and to be the best version of ourselves, whether we always succeed or not, is worth it and I would not turn my back on it easily.

from pathetic to aesthetic

In high school/ senior school, hobbies, interests and pretty much an expression of a personality of any kind is treated like a war crime. Unusually both by teachers and classmates alike, my friend who is probably gonna read this (hey friend!) was penalised (sorry I am an adult now but I just snickered at the word penalised like a literal child, I am ashamed and I must expose my self... tangent aside), for wearing this penny sized rolling stones bag, who was that offended by it had to be removed. WHO. find me the kid in my school who's big trig was the rolling stones, bring me that child.

In addition to this, we were told to take all makeup off, wear wider trousers and people were made fun of for hairstyles, phones or even key rings on their bags, or keys.

Like I am sorry but do you want me to lose my keys because I cannot find them without my massive ass rubber sonic the hedgehog keyring. I will not be homeless for you peasants. Avert your eyes if the blue cartoon hedgehog offends you so much. censor him out of the CCTV if you need to but he's staying on my keys, well actually he has been replaced with a scooby doo keyring now but you get my point.

 Now I had other interested than blue mutant hedgehogs such as old/ retro/ vintage junk. Anything from before and during 2005 was gold dust to me. I still don't know why I just like retro stuff like polaroids, tapes, phones cameras, books, clothes literally anything. At school, this would have been classed as weird. In my case, mainly as at this time I had a lot of really old gothic looking stuff to which I honestly wouldn't even bust out in front of my friends because I thought they were gonna think this was hella weird.

 Anyway I was a loser we have established this but now I literally post stuff like a mixtape or a tapestry or a vintage spyglasses on Tumblr, Pinterest or Instagram and although I am not overwhelmed with likes and praise for it or anything dramatic like that, I never ever get negative comments because people think hey, nerdy stuff and vintage stuff are pretty cool.

When I was a kid and everyone would talk to me about being older and people being less judgemental, I mainly thought they where such liers and honestly they where a bit because not everyone is gonna unlock some Gandy level of acceptance skills when they leave school but you will, went you leave, meet a wider range of people, in real life and online that are not gonna find you or your interests weird they will think they are... well interesting. So if you're in school still give it a couple of years and then kick life's butt by being your self or just do it now, no one can stop you now (you're having a good time). if your gonna wait then that's okay too hang in there and remember high school won't last forever, your school years are short and life is actually pretty long, the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, veva la rolling stones badge and stuff.

good night everybody.

cosplay pros and cons (see what I did there)

My experience with cosplaying/ generally playing dress up has always be a bittersweet cocktail of enjoyment and regret I didn't really get in to cosplay as an idea until around 2014 when I attended my first comic con I was in my Star Wars legging and a Pokemon hat because that made perfect sense and I was walking around the hall every single electrode in me was buzzing I felt as if I may catch on fire or pop like a bubble no like a rogue float shot down at the Macy's parade, or you know, Something to that effect.

As a kid I loved dressing up it usually meant all eyes would be on me that I was something work paying attention to. The costume gave me new persons that my mother would allow to push boundaries within the count of the fact she found it adorable how into my character of the, in hindsight raver tyrant like, princess I was playing. But here right, all around of me in dusty beaten down hall people were still doing it. Stormtrooper, solers sailers, walkers and red shirts where everywhere and the best part was it was entirely normal well as normal as it could be.

By 2015 I was hooked my first cosplay was Misa from the anime death note a daily simply gothic outfit and the hairstyle was essential my then long hair being half tied up. I wasn't treated like cosplay royalty by any means I remember being totally out of character and my costume was very messy but it was enough. People wanted pictures with me, of me, I had made it to a z list celebrity status but in my mind, I was the queen of the world. people complimented me, chatted with me, smiled and hugged me saying how it was their favourite show. if everyone hadn't been so polite it may have been more uncomfortable but everyone was so respectful and kind. it felt like a proper community.

 the best year I had was when I chose to be a shadow hunter with two of my good friends, again the costumes where so simple but this time our group felt untouchable. We knew the hall, we knew how to pose how to act. In attends in 2015 and 2016 but March 2017 had to be my relive trip. A relive moment or even in my definition is a moment you do well and become that relive your other family members are compared to in an argument you are the bar the be all and end all. And after that, on it was certainly the end of it all. In the latter half of 2017, I struggled to find flattering or even fitting clothes for my group costume, as a result, I admittedly became irritable during planning. finally, the day came and was ultimately was Ruined by a sudden on come illness. This may be a silly thing to cling to, it not being the concept of cosplaying's  fault I was ill but all that lead up to that moment of sickness was hardly sunshine and lollypops. It wasn't fun I felt stressed and rushed. my character didn't feel empowering or with being. for me within a matter of days, the fun was drained out and the anxiety was back hurtling down like a barrel of bricks, screaming "why are we doing this!"

This year I am hoping I may find a way to fall back in love with it, away I can feel safe and happy and just generally more relaxed. because it can be relaxing, it can be an escape and it can just be a geeky, silly, fun thing to do with your friends. It just depends on how you see it. so good or bad that was my cosplay experience. I hope you enjoyed hearing it and i will talk to you soon.

2018 and what it means to me

I think the new year is hard for me because to me every sunrise is a new year, a time to start afresh, to look back on memories some good and some not so.

My brain is constantly trying to wrap itself around this concept of time, how long our lives are, how every moment defines us, how meaningless it all is and why that's perfect.

I guess it is because to me when nothing matters, nothing is real, no rules no meanings or restrictions we can make something beautiful.nothing can be everything, you can be or do anything because there are no rules to say you must have achieved this by this year or at this time you should be this, life just happens we create, we destroy and we live. counting the seconds or without time at all. I am breathing and whether or not I measure that does not affect every small heart palpitation, hand touch, thought bubble, I have, because with or with our or constructs of perception life still happens.

So what is a new year to me? It is neither a beginning or end, I suppose most of the time it is a reminder that in life beginnings and ends are not so simple to define. We are just a series of cinematic moments we can go forever in memories or we can be forgotten but we happened and in a way that will never be erased. The thing we start will continue if not by our selfs then by others. time will keep marching on, with or without us.

I have a lot I want to do this year and a lot I don't but I think it is easier to take that as it comes. Please don't get me wrong this is not a sad post and new years eve is not a painful time for me. this is just my thought as I think them spilling out on to my keyboard, unedited, unapologetic and unfiltered to ease the process of reading this, it is open to your interpretation or to your dismissal.

happy 2018whateverr that means to you. I hope to see you all soon.