2018 and what it means to me

I think the new year is hard for me because to me every sunrise is a new year, a time to start afresh, to look back on memories some good and some not so.

My brain is constantly trying to wrap itself around this concept of time, how long our lives are, how every moment defines us, how meaningless it all is and why that's perfect.

I guess it is because to me when nothing matters, nothing is real, no rules no meanings or restrictions we can make something beautiful.nothing can be everything, you can be or do anything because there are no rules to say you must have achieved this by this year or at this time you should be this, life just happens we create, we destroy and we live. counting the seconds or without time at all. I am breathing and whether or not I measure that does not affect every small heart palpitation, hand touch, thought bubble, I have, because with or with our or constructs of perception life still happens.

So what is a new year to me? It is neither a beginning or end, I suppose most of the time it is a reminder that in life beginnings and ends are not so simple to define. We are just a series of cinematic moments we can go forever in memories or we can be forgotten but we happened and in a way that will never be erased. The thing we start will continue if not by our selfs then by others. time will keep marching on, with or without us.

I have a lot I want to do this year and a lot I don't but I think it is easier to take that as it comes. Please don't get me wrong this is not a sad post and new years eve is not a painful time for me. this is just my thought as I think them spilling out on to my keyboard, unedited, unapologetic and unfiltered to ease the process of reading this, it is open to your interpretation or to your dismissal.

happy 2018whateverr that means to you. I hope to see you all soon.

(80's/00's inspired) favorites

1. as many of you know the Netflix series stranger things premiered its second season this October as an avid fan of the show I had to put aside time to watch the show and it was honestly amazing, although it did admittedly have some plot flaws overall I was impressed with the character development of my favorite little nerds and their chaperones (especially mom steve). If you haven't seen the show, I would highly highly HIGHLY recommend it. I may even do the stranger things book tag soon because of it (if I can motivate my self).

2. Okay so I know the star wars films aren't just the 80's but this new t-shirt from hmv just seem more 80's to me. it combines my two favorite things the dark side and other languages. The shirt sizes are a little 2wider than normal because they are unisex but this makes for a more comfortable and casual feel. plus when it is combined with my red- I'm not sure if it is a windbreaker or a bomber jacket really- jacket it gives of this retro 80's vibe.

3.Within the last couple of months, a number of bands from the 90's and 00's including the gorillas have released comeback albums. the new gorillas' album is an experience, the musical interlude, and change in style plus the range of highly talented collaborators makes for a unique listen, many of the beats of the song are also good to work out to as it helps you keep your paces as well as holding your attention. 

alongside this album, I have also been trying to pick up more comic and magazines this past month. As a big film enthusiast, I have enjoyed reading about the upcoming Marvel films and I especially liked totally films little 80's flashback book as it allowed me to dive into the stories behind some of my favorite films.

Comic wise I have stared the Watchmen comic but unfortunately, I have no idea where I have missed placed it. I am also enjoying reading the 1980 wonder woman album my friend kindly gave me for my birthday in August. (It's amazing I just love retro stuff and to have an authentic thing of my favorite dc hero is just a dream come true!).

5. As you know with October comes Halloween my favorite holiday this year I dressed up as my favorite bad ass shogun assassin level sword fighter Beatrix kiddo aka the bride aka Uma Thurman. It was really fun to play around with the 2003 character and it was even more enjoyable to spend time with my friends at the Halloween party and fireworks show. 

Well, that's all I have for now. What are some things you have enjoyed lately? let me known and I catch you later I guess :).

bookish identity tag (updated)

Recycling my own content to show personal growth and allow me to be narcissistic one more time. its the bookish intently tag. again with hopeful improved answers. I am just gonna start.

1.what dystopian / fantasy what would you live in?

first of all i wanna live until I am at lest 25 so all dystopians can get the hell away form me. maybe i would go for the Eragon books universe because who would not want a best buddy that is a dragon.


2. who would your partner be?

see i like people but not the idea of a real relationship so I am gonna take this as partner in crime and say the Fred and George . I can have both don't judge me. i have said this before but i just really wanna to be friends with them as a kid. and nothing has changed with that dream.


3. who would your godly mother or father be? 

okay although Apollo is my main man I think he may not be the best parent which is why I considered being a Hephaestus kid. Mainly because I relate to Leo so much and who would't wanna be related to that guy. well maybe not the people who ship them self with him. if you still wanna to be then i am very much concerned about you. stop. just stop what your doing.  honestly tho ,my new answer would have to be Hera's kid because I feel it would really be a shock that the goddess of marriage and the Greek, one women recreation of cheaters, had an illegitimate kid.  it would start so much drama if she had a child, plus I would have my own cabin, but as it is very unlikely that would happen in anything other that some supper dramatic fan fic.

4. would you be a down-worlder or a Nephilim?

I am still a show hunter all the way although i am slightly more interested in the monster because i am Simon. but I have been a shadow hunter at comic con and i have to t shirt so i feel I am to committed to that life now.

5. what Hogwarts house would you be in?

I am actually having a identity crisis on this now so i will have to get back to you however i can confirm that in ivermorny i would in fact fit in to horned serpent.

6. what faction would you be in?

See last time i said candor and one of my friends came at me with how much of a huge lair i am which you know is a fair point still i don't think i could be a divergent so I am lost here. I am just gonna take a quiz or something i do not know.

*this interlude brought to you by my broken laptop trying to load buzz-feed quizzes*

 okay apparently I am divergent I am so divergent i divert my self from my non faction faction. honestly I couldn't care less about this one we all know i would be dead in this universe anyway so honestly whatever.

7. what would be your daemon?

aww the golden compass an excellent book but probably the worst movie I have ever seen. I don't know why but the only animal in my head is a moose so I am just gonna ask one of my friends. (this post is a total mess, but I am so far past trying to keep it together)

*another interlude brought to you by my friends ghosting me*

wasn't even worth the wait she literally just said "yeah that probably not your best choice" well forget it I guess I am a moose demon now. moving on.

added questions

8. what would you peculiarity be?

3 more to go. I have lost the will by know but I stared this so lets just get on with it. I think a cool peculiarity is to only exist when needed. which sounds stupid as hell but imagine just blazing in like a ghost sort of fade in effect to do all the fun or important stuff. you would not have to be there for any boring things in your life .I could boil the kettle and not have to be around to wait until my teas ready.

this is possibly the laziest idea I have every had. I am  literally cut down my life time for convenience.

9. which fairy tale character would you be?

this is supposed to be based off the lunar Chronicles idea i would like to be goldy locks, even though my hairs blonde / brown and almost non exsitant in length but I am thing like space thief picking locks stealing from space stations I could have a smuggler clan called the 3 bears. I have defiantly over thought this.

10. which pevensie would be your bestie?

Edmond pevensie is my favorite i will defend his honor till my death and if you have any problems with that please leave and never talk to me or my son again.

autumn questions tag

This is not a specific tag but rather a range of questions from different autumn tags I took and interested in i am also only doing 4 because i feel a lot of question in the tags are repetitive or could take a whole post to explain.

 Autumn and winter, as I have mentioned on this blog before, are my favorite times of the year. so I thought I would do this tag so that I had an excuse to talk about it more and hopeful to find some fellow summer hatter who share my bitterness and love of jumpers. okay here goes the shortest tag ever.

1.favorite autumn reads

Maggie Stiefvater's the raven cycle is a great winter read in my opinion as it is very ghostly and I have gotten my self out of two reading slumps by reading these books in the dark on rainy nights. as for the Halloween tree, it is obviously a very good book for Halloween it is beautiful and poetic and in way educational. miss peregrine's home for peculiar children is also a good autumn read as the stories key date is in early September. I feel that reading along with the timeline of the book always helps you admires you self in stories. my last choice is the Halloween party by Agatha Christie this is one of my favorites for hers it has a real shock factor, I had no idea what was going on right up until the reveal which is very rare and rather refreshing for me.

2. favorite autumn films

 pretty much every film about witches/ wizards or ghost that is not gonna traumatize me is a good autumn film in my opinion. I do quite like watching hocus pocus, Ghostbusters and young Frankenstein especially they always seem to be constant rewatches around this time of year. I pretty much love anything that is funny but slightly spooky. See that's the weird thing about me and Halloween is I love it but I'm a total scaredy-cat. Spooky and kooky every day but if there's jump scares im gonna be hidding behind the chair.  

3. favorite autumn days out 

history trips are the best i love visiting ruins or forts in this weather its just so eerie and amazing and you can always get great garden photos in the stately homes because of the leaves and the dead plants. 

4.favorite autumn activity 

pumpkin carving so so satisfying to me it gives me a chance to be creative, get messy and celebrate my favorite day of the year Halloween! i plan all my ideas for pumpkin way too far in advance for instance i have two designs this year that i have had since august because as we all know i am a creep and i have no life. 

tricholtillomania awareness

A little while ago I was surfing the web looking for a way to reduce my hair pulling since my GCSEs I have had a tendency of twisting out strands of my hair when focusing on work or sometimes when relaxing as a comfort. while looking it up I stumbled in a youtube vlogger with the condition Trichotillomania. I was oblivious to what the condition was when I was watching these first through videos. Seeing the severity of the damage the condition caused shocked me, I myself had only ever experienced one bald patch the size of a 5p coin and the top of my neck but this youtube had seemed to be suffering extensively with uncontrollable hair loss. It disheartens me to think that people may suffer like this in silence without representation or support. and although I know I am just a little blogger with a minimal amount of page views, I feel if I had a way of raising even a little awareness I should try.

so I went out and asked 3 individuals question about the condition to prove how it is not wildly known and hopefully to educate people on the matter to the best of my ability.

1.Do you know what trichotillomania is?

A: yes but not in great detail
B: No though I think I have heard you mention it before
C: Isn't it where people pull their hair out it is a mental condition right?

Answer c is correct the formal definition is the compulsion to pull out one's hair from one's head or body including areas such as your eyebrows, eyelashes, and pubic hair.  this can create bald patches and leave lasting damage to hair roots preventing further growth.

2.which one of these do you think is the figure for how many people it affects?

1% of the population         9%  of the population              4% of the population

A: I'd guess 4 maybe
B: 1%?
C: I am going to say 4% but I have a feeling it might be 9.

According to my research in actuality, it is 4 percent of the population, on the whole, that's around 2,960,000 people that suffer from some degree of the illness, which is why to me personally it is such a shame it is so under publicized.

 3. what do trichers normal do after doing harm to their hair?

play with fallen out hair            pick at skin              eat/ put the hair in their mouth

A: varies from person to person
B: All of those options?
C: well I think it's more likely they may cover it through being ashamed. probably play with it but I think it depends on the person that could do all of those things. 

Many people do play with their hair and other can put their hair in or brush it across their mouth but normally the picking of the skin is related to detrotelliamania another common BFRB. from what I can understand BFRBs are usually developed as a stress release and this action can be soothing for the users, I may be wrong about this but this is just what I have heard. some people also say the picking of skin or pulling of hair is down to a psychological irritation a sort of itchy feeling on the skin or scalp. 

4. how many UK charity organizations are there for solely trich?

1                      7                         3 

A: Since it's not as well-known I guess 3
B: I reckon 3
C:3 but I think there should be more than 7 anyway

after searching extensively I was only able to locate one UK trich organization where you can purchase the therapeutic tool and find information. (This organization stock and leaflets are the ones displayed in the photo above).
5. which one of these illness does trich come with often

OCD                         Depression                    Anxiety                  all three

A: I think OCD as it is a compulsion but I imagine anxiety and depression could impact on it as it could be something people identify as a release
B: I think it would involve all those. 
C: All three as like you said it is a compulsive condition so commonly OCD is thought of as a related thing but people can feel ashamed and also panic because they have no control so possibly anxiety. 

All condition are usually related and some people clump them together as the depression and anxiety some suffers face can affect the severity of their pulling. OCD is related as it is a compulsion to pull so it is usually interwoven with the condition. 

Now you have the lowdown on trich I am going to leave you with some links to social media accounts or website that may be useful to you if you want more information or support:

NHS information

Trichotillomania support online

BFRB information

Trich youtube account 

Booktube thoughts

Hi guys, as you know I am a menial, meaning that I have grown up and matured (which kind of makes me sound like a bottle of wine but whatever) in a very media-centric society. Now I don't believe this to be a bad thing entirely, the web and the media have their pros and cons but that is another post in it own. I wanted to partially focus in on the book tube community.

The book tube community is a wonderful community of youtube creators yours who's channels are used as a platform for reviewing, discussing or just generally creating book related content. Now do not get me wrong I love book tube. I enjoy the small and friendly audience/ community it brings in and I am a genuinely invested in a lot of book tube accounts.this aside I am going to start this post off with any negative thought and then move on to positive to finish

despite all of its amazing points book tube does tend to focus in on new releases and new additions. I know you could argue that this is just due to book tubers preferences but I have to say when weighing it up as a whole there are a lot of new book promos, buying of the second edition covers changes and upcoming book releases on these channels which I totally understand. they may enjoy the series, they may be invested in reading the new books before the intent is swarmed with spoilers and in the cause of, promos they have bills to pay.

The real issue is that people like me or possibly younger individuals are then drawn in to buying these new realizes and additions. we want to read what are favoirt youtubers afre reading to. and alought this does altimealy inspire children to read and allows them to have talking points with others in the booktube comminity it can cause issues. new releases tend to be more expensive meaning it cost more to keep up, slower readers like yours truly can't always finish these book before the next big thing comes out, it also means you can miss out on older book or book genres you may enjoy because your mind is narrowed.

 You must understand this is all my personal thoughts on this topic and you must please remember that overall I feel that book tube is in no way negative use of our online voice, however, I would encourage others to do as I have done and start looking for more obsure or older books in order to broaden their reading and to give them selfs new experiences, alongside this recommendation, if they so wish.

On a counterpoint to this con, I would suggest that although I comment on this I myself am guilty of it as I do tend to review read and feature in my tags predominantly revlivent and new books. I in the futher will be making an effort to look into less mainstream books and to purchase books from secound hand or independent bookstores.

On a possitive note I believe booktube to be an essential asset to the print media industry. The print media industry has been rumored to be decreasing in value over the last couple of decade due to social media. However, the use of youtube to do this is an interview way to get more young people engaged with reading, which will help salvage the industry for us all. this is especially important in terms of education as well. In order for peoples literacy to develop they need to read more. with a lot of fast and easy entertainment methods, these days such as streams, tv shows, and podcasts not many people see reading as a time worth option. which is preventing people from developing their skills further.

Booktubers popularity can also lead to book deals as with many YouTubers. this means that people with a real interest and passion for book or poetry are able to reserve opportunities that they would not originally have access to.In addition to this because they understand their audince from intracting with them at con or in the comment they are able to better target their work to their buyer providing a better reading experience.

Overall I think booktube to be positive.What do you think about book tube, do you think it most good or bad or are you neutral to the concept? do you watch any booktubers? let me known what you think in the comments bellow and I will see you soon!

Favorites

I have been working on a more serious post that shall be handing some triggering topics, which should be up soon. In the mean time, I thought I would just spew out some obligatory non-meaningful generic posts such as my Favorites this month (and maybe the month before)!!!

I am not gonna pretend anyone excited for this or asked for this but we are doing it anyway. let's go.

books:

recently I have been getting back into Terry Pratchett books I used to really enjoy his work when I was younger and I loved the TV films they did with David Jason not to mention the super glitch PC game that could never say dragon properly. I have just started the Tiffany aching children's series of his and it's interesting because I don't feel his style or tone really changes even in his middle-grade books, so I can still enjoy them and I know that when I lend them to my younger cousins on completion that they will enjoy them as much as I currently am. The series follows the want to be witch Tiffany as she uses her wits and her influence over her unusual friends to put a stop to mysterious going on and to prove you can grow a witch on chalk. If you wanna know what I'm on about just picking up the book and have a look it's real easy to read and this shinny addition is currently available at Waterstones. so give it or any of his books a go I highly recommend them.

my second book is the Saga of the Volsungs this is a mythology book I picked up from the world history section of Waterstones. the collection is said to be one inspirational source from J.R.Tokiens books. it's super short and the cover is beautiful, but it can be a little confusing at times because of the fast pace and similarities in peoples names. however, the book does have a glossary that really helps you understand the mythology better which is super helpful. so if you a newbie legend hunter like my self I would recommend starting with these books. I shall be picking up the next couple very shortly my self.

post cards:

Recently I took a trip with some friends of mine on the train to Birmingham museum and art gallery in the gift shop I came across a collection of suffragette merchandise and I instantly had to have it all. Unfortunately, the entire self  was slightly out of my budget so instead I opted for their suffragette scene color in post cards to send to my friends and family and remind they that women are equals and women are awesome. I was especially impressed with the pack's inclusion of multicultural feminist groups. it is just so perfect.

shows:

Another train ticket another outing, this time to London for my amazing friend ginger snaps birthday treat. In London we checked out Disney Aladdin the musical and oh my Mahatma Gandhi It was breath taking. they worked really hard integrating new and old songs into the show and the magic was 1000% better than I though it would be. I feel it has made the successful transition from sketch pad to stage which is incredibly hard to achieve. over all, I was just blown away especially by the genie who we all can agree had some big boots to fill. I highly recommend getting tickets if you are able. It is a great day out with friends or with kids, you won't regret it I am sure.

cinema: 

unless you have been living under a rock I am sure you have been made aware of the new wonder woman film. now wonder women is my favorite dc character, I like batman to but he was always my brothers go to so I don't really associate much which him because of that, I hope that makes sense. Wonder woman was my favorite in the justice league cartoon I watched as a kid, I used to watch the 1970s show after school some times and I have way more merch than I care to admit. Seeing her portrayed as a strong and let's face it bad as women in the film just reminded me of my past admiration and how little me (and probably still me know to be fair) would love to be a super hero. which is not gonna happen instead I have to a ordinary hero and fight for whats right and what I love just like the other dinamic and fun characters in the film do. It's really great and I honestly can't wait for it to be on dvd already. 

 sun glasses:

the UK's weather has been all over the place recently which I why one supposedly rainy day I found my eyes burning and myself dragging my friend away from root to the pizzeria we were heading to, in order to find some cool shades in Tiger. Tiger is just one of those weird shops that has everything you never thought you needed because you don't need it, no one needs a whale plushy or a soap dish that looks like a rhino or whatever it is. Luckily I did end up leaving with something which I have yet to regret buying are these pink what I call "barbie" sunglasses. they just really remind me of the 90's and I extra. that is the only justifications I have.

Tea:

recently after an importune trip to Starbucks, I have been trying to drink more green tea to ease my insomnia. honestly, this is not really a favorite of mine because I still have mixed feelings about green tea but the brand displayed bellow has been my favorite out of the 3 I have tried. PG tips was a close second as they gave me a free money but their box promoted their strawberry short cake flavored tea on top which was mean of them because i have to look at it knowing I could be drinking that but I had this instead. 

That is all I have for now I hope you have a wonderful day and i will speak to you soon.